It’s OK to Say No Over the Holidays

The start of November can stir up a variety of emotions as those around you begin to discuss plans for the upcoming holiday season. For some individuals there might be the pressure to spend time with family or friends who perpetuate unhealthy relationship dynamics. It is not always easy to express wanting to keep distance, especially when it is family. The truth is, there is no right or wrong way to spend the holidays.

You can say ‘no’ to spending time with people who hurt you. There might be times where you experience guilt or shame related to wanting space, especially when it is family. You may notice that others do not quite understand your choice to say no, but they do not need to. What you are practicing by saying no or asking for space is boundary-setting and that is healthy.

Challenges may arise as you start to think about the boundaries you want to put in place. It can be helpful to have time to check-in with yourself before setting the boundary. Ask yourself what you are feeling, what you want to come from the boundary, and identify what aspects of the interactions are increasing your level of distress.

When you are setting a boundary, it is helpful to be as direct as possible. It decreases the chances of your boundary being misunderstood and makes it easier for you to hold the boundary as time moves on. Starting small when setting initial boundaries also aids you in being able to maintain the boundary.

It can be really trying to set and uphold the boundaries you set. Just remember that you know yourself and what interactions are too emotionally taxing. At times others might try to push back the boundaries you have in place. Pay attention to how you feel. You may notice increased resentment or discomfort, which can be cues that your boundaries are being violated.

Keep in mind that setting boundaries in your relationships is a way of taking care of yourself. It does not make you selfish, it means you are listening to your needs and prioritizing them. Take care of yourself as you prepare for the upcoming holiday season. It is to valid to prioritize spending time with those who support you and just as valid to take some time and space away from those who do not.

Disclaimer: All content on this website is for informational purposes only. It does not substitute for clinical treatment or advice. If you, a friend, or a family member is struggling with mental health and/or addiction issues please call our main office at 952-926-2526. For emergencies, go to your nearest emergency room and/or dial 911.