Loss of Alcohol and Drugs: The Grief is Real

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Have you ever heard someone tell a person with a substance use disorder that they “are sorry for their loss?”

My bet is no, you haven’t.

Yet, according to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Grief Expert and Author, this loss fits all the criteria. Grief, by definition is a normal and natural response to losing someone or something that held great value. Kubler-Ross has defined 5 stages of grief that most people go through when a significant loss occurs.  They may be experienced in any order, for any length of time, and return unexpectedly in the future.

For those suffering with the disease of addiction, their drug was so important to them when actively using, that they compromised their health, integrity, values and relationships. Is it any wonder that it can be hard and painful to begin recovery?

Let’s take a look at the stages of grief and how they relate to addiction.

Denial – “I don’t have a problem”
Bargaining – “I will only use at night. I will only use when the kids are in bed. I will only use on weekends.”
Anger – “Why are you questioning me?  How come that person can drink (or use drugs) and I can’t.  Why did God make me an addict?”
Depression – “What will I do for fun?  Sobriety is boring. I have to give up people and places.  I don’t know how to live without using.”
Acceptance – “I feel so much better physically and mentally.  I am noticing some natural beauty in the world…children laughing, birds singing.”

If loved ones think about the ambiguous, unacknowledged grief that can accompany early recovery, perhaps they will better be able to respond with compassion and understanding.  Try countering the reply “You should be happy.  You are sober now” with “I know this is hard, and you are doing the best you can to change your life.” The result might help a person go from feeling misunderstood and isolated to feeling deeply supported.


Disclaimer: All content on this website is for informational purposes only. It does not substitute for clinical treatment or advice. If you, a friend, or a family member is struggling with mental health and/or addiction issues please call our main office at 952-926-2526. For emergencies, go to your nearest emergency room and/or dial 911.